Blessed be Your name

"Praise you in this storm" by Casting Crowns

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Chorus

This song has popped into my head a lot lately. That and "Blessed be your name." I can't help but think it's for a reason and this situation we are enduring with my dad. I feel at such an awkward place in my faith right now. I'm trying daily to trust in God, but sometimes it's just so hard to.

Last weekend I went home to spend time with my family. I'm very grateful to have a job with flexible hours to where I can go home for a long weekend. It was a much needed weekend at home.

Dad had his first chemo treatment last Wednesday. His body handled it very well and he hasn't really seen any aftereffects from the chemicals. One funny (or frustrating depending on who's perspective you get) is that because of the steroids they gave him, he now hiccups instead of coughs. The only time I heard him not hiccup was when he chugged a strawberry-banana smoothie my mom and I made him. (complete with copious amounts of ice cream, half-and-half and egg white protein powder to pack on the calories.)

He's lost probably 20 pounds, but it's a little hard to tell because his legs are swollen since his liver isn't functioning properly. It's strange to look at him and see his face not as full, but his legs fuller. I prefer to picture my dad at his peak.

He rode bikes, completed a marathon and ate healthy. Something he is having to forego for the time being. It's hard for him to eat so differently, I think. But I think he secretly missed eating things like Frosted Mini Wheats and drinking Dr. Pepper (which is still too sweet for his preference at the time being.)

I love my dad for so many reasons, but my current, favorite reason is that he doesn't let his faith waiver. Even though his body is going through this, he has not missed one church service. Though that may be the one thing he does that whole day, he still attends. I'm so proud to be his daughter knowing what a man of God he has become.

He found his faith later in his life, but it was right for him. He was baptized only a few months after I was, but his heart yearns to learn more about God and the Bible everyday. I'll admire him for being a seeker and explorer always. (Remind me that I said that when he plays "20 Questions" the next time I go home.)

Please, please, please- I'm begging you; Continue to pray for my dad. This chemo needs to work. We got some unexpected news that if it doesn't, he may not have many months left on this Earth. And while he is here, he will need to continue treatments for the rest of his life.

This was shocking to me, but we're praying for a miracle and we need a miracle.

A twist of events

This isn't easy, but I need to talk about this.

My dad has been sick since the end of January with what sounded like an upper respiratory infection. I personally thought it was bronchitis because of how his cough sounded (I know it well since I've had it three times since college). He could hardly hold a normal conversation with people because he was coughing so much. But he went to the doctor and they gave him an antibiotic. Which didn't work...Another one, and it still didn't work. I think they got up to three or four and no response.

By then it was March and no progress had been made. He finally got referred to a pulmonologist and went in for testing. Nothing was found in his lungs and they were functioning normal for his age. They thought he might have acid reflux, so they put him on Prilosec to help with that. While he was at the doctor, they did some blood work and found out he was anemic. His count was around 8 or 9 and is supposed to be at 12. They started him on iron supplements and wanted to see what happened. He started to get really tired cause his iron levels were low and such.

I'm not sure what exactly prompted this, but somehow he went in to the doctor to get a colonoscopy. I think they were just wanting to inspect more since the Prilosec wasn't working and the coughing was still there.

Last Tuesday, my mom, dad and his girlfriend Kay found out that my dad has stage four colon cancer. I found out on Wednesday while my mom was down in Oklahoma moving me to my first apartment. He had to tell me over the phone, but I'm glad she was there.

For those of you who don't really know my family dynamic, my parents divorced when I was about 2. They have remained very close over the years (as far as divorced parents go) and my dad actually contacted my mom for help when going to doctor's appointments. The three of them have attended almost every appointment together and have each other's backs I guess you could say. It's sounds strange to anyone else I'm sure, but it's been my life for a while so I guess I'm used to it.

They are going in with chemo to shrink the cancer before they try to operate. He gets a "site" put in his body near his heart to hook up to the chemo. The chemo should start in a few weeks, and they doctor said he shouldn't lose his hair.

Tuesday he is getting a full body and brain scan done to make sure the cancer isn't anywhere else. They are also taking cells from his liver to make sure it hasn't spread there.

Anyways, the point of this post is to just let my very slim amount of readers know that I need your help. My family is in need of your prayers right now.

My dad has asked specifically for strength while his body endures this. He is changing his diet a lot to help beat the cancer. His doctor's and our family is confident that he will beat the cancer and we aren't letting anyone else tell us any different.

My Aunt Susan was diagnosed with several types of cancer at the same time 20 years ago and was given 7 years to live. She is now 51, healthy and cancer free. We have a lot of hope.

Just please pray when you have the time. Our God can work miracles when we give him all the power.